Siblings find strength in each other after loss of mother

By TOM LAVENTURE

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Ironwood - Siblings say the strength they find from each other after the untimely loss of their mother and the  amazing show of community support has helped a great deal with the healing process.

Cody Durant, 27, is the eldest of five siblings and the only one not living at the Bessemer home of their mother, Beth Durant, when she died of heart failure at age 43 on Oct. 5, 2020. The family was in shock and Cody said it was a moment to "grab the bull by the horns."

"I said, 'come on guys, you're coming to my house and we'll figure this out later,'" Cody said.

The other siblings include Tianna Carlisle, 25, Wesley Carlisle, 20, Asher Carlisle, 19, who have a different father, as does Braelynn Kivi, 12, the youngest sibling.

"Braelynn's dad has been really good about working with us and understanding my goals about keeping the family together," Cody said. "He knew that was my mom's wishes."

Nathan Carlisle, 27, who has a different mother by the same father, is also considered a brother. He has been on his own living in Hurley for some time.

Cody Durant and his wife Nichole were already building their own nest with a daughter, Meadow, 14 months, and will celebrate the birth of their second child later this year. They renovated their first home in Ironwood that is now home to the siblings.

The circumstances brought them closer together than they had been since childhood, Cody said. 

"It hurt. Losing my mom was the worst thing that could ever happen to me," Cody said. "But as far as having the family here with me, living with me; I mean that has been the biggest help that we could have had. I don't know how I would have been able to get through it without having these guys here, I really don't."

It isn't easy to put five people with different lives together under one roof, Tianna said. It helps that they are family.

"We all have our moments from time to time but we've pretty much developed a system where everybody kind of does their own thing but we're together for dinner 90% of the time unless somebody's working," she said. "So, we always make it a point to at least all have dinner together."

Asher, a student in the Building Trades Program at Gogebic Community College, said he keeps busy working and appreciates the kind remarks from people every day. He also said it helps to be with family.

"This is a tough time," he said. "I kind of need the family center right now."

Wesley said the past two months have been hard and "filled with a lot of emotions."

"I love my family, don't get me wrong," he said. "Everybody's butting heads some days, or going at each other another day about something little. But we all stick together even if we don't like it."

Cody said it was important to follow through with his mother's wishes as she expressed them to him a year before she passed.

The older siblings just need some stability to get started on their own lives, he said. As long as they are trying it will be easier to help them get settled, he said.

"These guys are a little older and more squared away," Cody said. "My dad has been gone for a while and I'm trying to step up and be the dad I didn't really have."

Nichole said she is taking on the role of big sister. 

"They know what they need to do," she said. "They do good at keeping themselves up and they help with chasing Meadow around the house."

Growing up, Cody said he saw the faults of the community. The outpouring of kindness with the GoFundMe page, cash jars in local businesses, along with cash, food, clothing and Christmas gifts from organizations and individuals allowed the family to grieve without worrying about other things for a while, he said. 

"I've never looked at the community in the light I do now since this has happened," Cody said. "I am happy and grateful to live and to be a property owner and to be a member of this community. I will contribute to the community in every chance I can and where I can. I'm proud to be here."

Tianna said her former employer provided a lot of pizzas. They received support from the funeral home and a church that provided space for the funeral service. 

"Everything the community has done has a special place in our hearts for helping us through a difficult time," Tianna said.

Christmas with the grandmother was the first time that all the siblings had been together for the holiday in years, Cody said. It was nice with Santa coming to for the kids and some unexpected gifts from people in the community. 

Everyone is still grieving, including the grandparents, Cody said. While everyone is close there is still a need for time to heal.